Category Archives: atheism

the words we say…

stfu

this week, i earned myself an asshole award, at least, that’s what it feels like.

on a day that i called someone a douche bag (several times over, mind you), he was about 20 minutes away fighting for his life.

needless to say, i feel incredibly guilty, like somehow i cursed him with my secret powers of voodoo that i didn’t know about.

now, the things i said about him were not exactly undeserved, and they certainly were not anything that i wouldn’t tell him to his face. so, logically, i cannot be blamed for this sick cosmic joke.

still, when his wife, who is one of my very favorite people in the world, called me crying about his accident, i felt like i needed to confess my sins of the voice.

it wasn’t and still isn’t appropriate, however.

even if i think the guy pulled some asshole moves, my heart has felt very heavy over the last 36 hours. he is a lineman, like my husband, and when men in this job field get hurt, every lineman and his family feels it. we are all affected. we all cry for him. we all cry for his family.

you see, as wives of linemen, we are always prepared to get the call. linemen are the unsung heroes, the ones who are constantly at risk. when they get injured, the injuries are either fatal or so severe that you wish they were fatal.

here’s a secret… even as an atheist, i wish that i could’ve found comfort in prayer this week. i wish that i could’ve asked put my burdens onto some higher entity. i wish that asking for his health could have helped his family.

prayer1

i just wanted to help, and as they flew him to the burn center several hundred miles away, i was left to do nothing but think…

it’s never supposed to be someone we know. it’s never supposed to be someone that has sat at my dinner table. it’s never supposed to be someone that i have vacationed with. his face is in pictures on my wall. his children have a place in my home and heart forever.

if an accident happens, it shouldn’t be someone that has a face for me.

in the end, he has been a miracle of science. he is doing as well as can be expected for someone who had 14k volts go through him. and the lineman community in the area is breathing a little easier.

still, i have learned that my big mouth may bring bad karma. or maybe, that is just a narcissistic thought and it’s a small world with big coincidences.

i still feel like an ass though.